Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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