We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
