I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
