Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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