Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
