Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
