Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
