So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I party with great urgency now.
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