just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
