Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
