we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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