i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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