tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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