well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
