he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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