yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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