you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
