What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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