nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
