He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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