splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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