im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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