I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
