I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
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Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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