Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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