I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
