just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
