Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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