apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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