I want to stick my p in your. b.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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