his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
