so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
