I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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