I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
