So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
