i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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