I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
