My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
