when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
