STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
