Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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