Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
