1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
