Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
