There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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