That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
