I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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