Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
