It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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