Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
