oh good, I think they're gone
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying