you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
