Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.