So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
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She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.