i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion