so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
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I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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