Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
