I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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