I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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