She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
