your room smells of hookers.
And success
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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