i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
