2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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