So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
