guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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