He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
