I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
