Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I've blown a few things in my day
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
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My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
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He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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