I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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